Thursday, June 11, 2009

True Confessions.. duh duh duhhhhhh...

Interesting experience... As swarms of trendy/artsy looking individuals and men that look like old washed up pastors looking for the next trend to latch on to scurry from session to session, I can't help but feel a bit out of place...

I'm not trendy... And I'd like to think I don't think I qualify as a person looking to hook up with the next trend (which will prove to be hollow as people attempt to replicate methods without genuine/authentic heart behind it, but that's a different post)...

So I'm stuck somewhere in the middle...

I find myself in this position quite a bit... I frequently don't feel like I actually belong or fit in... I know that almost everyone would say they feel like this so it's completely normal, blah, blah, blah, but I really am at a weird place...

I don't fit in at work/church... long story with lots of thoughts... I'll save it for later...
I don't fit in with my age group... I'm a college kid still... Often I feel like I'm surrounded by all these trendy individuals listening to music I've never heard of, wearing clothes I can't pull off, and using words I have to look up... I used to be cool... Now I'm old...
I don't fit in with friends. I feel awkward all the time (something I do to myself... and which I often take joy in...) and I often feel pretty lonely...
I sometimes don't even fit in with my family... How lame is that! I have an awesome family, but I've been at school for the last 3 years... sometimes I need to ask my brother where things are in the house because they've moved around... Sometimes my family has inside jokes that I'm not a part of (seriously lame!!!)...

It's a weird place and I don't like it... I've got a few things I'm trying to move past this, but I still feel a bit stuck...

I know I'm surrounded by people that love me... My family rocks, I have friends, and I have a little support at church/work (very little)... but I still feel like I can complain (a major failing in my life).

I don't know where I'm going with all this... It started as an acknowledgement of visible differences at this conference and ended in wollowing in self-pity...
But I guess there's always light at the end of the tunnel...
A savior that carries us through times that we feel alone...
Scripture littered with promises and prophecies...

And in the end, Jesus loves me, this I know...

4 comments:

  1. Oh, it is definitely the same reasons you posted as well. Reading your post, I was taken back on how much I could relate to it.

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  2. Ok, my friend, you didn't use one complete sentence in your entire post. And that's not a judgement statement, merely an observation.

    That aside...

    What conference are you at? If the passage you sent me was any indication of the quality of what you're hearing, it sounds fantastic!

    But I can definitely relate about not fitting in, always feeling on the outskirts of norms; but at the same time, largely content with life on the fringes. It hits me hardest when I'm home and I realize my family has moved on and created this whole dynamic that I don't fit into. I'm just the too serious (/boring/sarcastic/intense) older sister. I don't even have a bedroom anymore, if that makes you feel any better. ha

    I agree though, that Christ does carry us through those times - through this life. If anything, I'm finding that this out-of-placeness - it motivates me to look forward to a future of new experiences, my own family, new friends and community. Maybe you're just experiencing your own, new bits of community now!

    and i'm rambling.

    my apologies.

    also bruce: go to class. get a job. or go serve jesus. or something. if you do...i'll bake you cookies...

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